Years ago I remember spending time complaining about how my ex-husband (oh, how I hate that word- but that's another story) was not paying child support. I was complaining to my James Group the Other Half (read Al-Anon) sponsor. Her response was basically that I needed to do something about it or stop complaining. Had I done my part? Had I filed child support papers with the attorney general? No. Then stop complaining. It was hard to hear, but a lesson I needed to learn. I wasn't emotionally ready to go to court, so I decided that my only appropriate course of action was to stop complaining. If I wasn't ready to do my part, how could I complain that he wasn't doing his part. (FYI a few years later I was ready and filed. :))
This lesson has helped me several times in my life. First, it's helped me as a parent. When my youngest was maybe two, I was at my wit's end. I mean, he was doing things he shouldn't be doing and saying things that he shouldn't be saying. Frustratingly enough, me simply saying "NO!" from across the room was not working. Imagine that. He was not meeting my expectations at all. It was at this time that I purchased and read the updated "Strong-Willed Child" by James Dobson. I realized of course that I was not doing my part. It was my job to teach him. If I loved this child and wanted to do right by him, then I needed to get up and walk across the room, kneel down to his level and say "NO!" in his face. It showed him I was serious and that I cared enough to make the effort. Of course, I would have to do this about a thousand times a day for years.
From time to time as a parent I still have to have a get serious moment with myself when I find myself being frustrated and overwhelmed by my children's behaviors. What had I done to help the situation? What was my part? Had I done my part? More often than not, I hadn't. I had to remember that I'm the adult and needed to just suck it up and do what needed to be done- be that grounding, turning off the wifi, setting up teacher conferences, etc. It is my job, after all, to teach them.
Just today I realized that I have also had to learn this lesson as a teacher. It is all to easy to gripe and complain about my students. Yesterday I was especially frustrated at the increased amount of talking and the decreased amount of working that was taking place. I was losing it. In speaking (read complaining) with a wise co-worker, I was reminded, "Have you done this? Have you done that?" In my head, I'm thinking, "Ugh! That is too much work! They need to just be quiet and work!"
I realized, once again, that it is my job to teach them. This morning in a staff meeting, we heard the phrase, "Teacher behavior drives student behavior." Sigh. Yes, it's up to me. So, I took a deep breath and simply took the time to do some re-teaching. Not yelling, not demoralizing, but re-teaching. Did it take time? Yes. Did I want to do it? No. Was it my decision to do it? Yes. Was it work? Yes. Are my students (and my sanity) worth it? You bet!
Talk is cheap. Anyone can complain about a situation. What needs to happen is someone needs to do something about it.
