I shared those sentiments in Bible class last Sunday. "Carol, I can't quite see you as a Pharisee," was one response. Isn't that the point, though? I mean, it was difficult for me to see myself as a Pharisee as well.
To us in modern times, the word Pharisee is associated with words such as hypocrite, false, judgemental. But, back then, a Pharisee was righteous, pious, a rule follower, did everything right (or at least appeared to). Well, THAT was me. And if I had those positive traits, perhaps I needed to examine myself to see if I had the negative traits as well.
Religious leader? Yes, I would say that I was. I was active in many areas of the church, and in charge of a few.
Rule follower? Definitely. I did really try to follow all the rules. And, it mattered to me that people knew that. I wanted to be a good example, and there's nothing wrong with that, but like with the Pharisees, there was more to the story.
Harsh and judgemental? Whoa, this one is tough for me, but yes, I was. I didn't have much pity for those who made poor choices. Actually, I didn't have much pity for those who made choices that I wouldn't have made. I didn't have much pity for those who thought differently from me. I was right. They were wrong. Wrong. Period.
Yes, I was very concerned with being right. I could argue someone under the table. I had multiple scriptures to back up everything I said. Oh, I'd call it a debate or religious discussion, or even a Bible study, but really, I was arguing. I see that now.
And then I started asking myself, what is the right thing to do? Well, Jesus said first- love God. Second- love people. So, how was I doing on that? Gulp.
So, now I'm not so harsh on the Pharisees. I know that the only group that Jesus WAS hard on was the religious leaders (including the you-know-whos), but hear me out.
The Pharisees THOUGHT that they were doing what they were supposed to. They thought they had it all figured out (ding! ding! me again!). They thought it was their duty to point out the errors of others (wow, I really was one!). But, they missed the point (ugh- so did I).
When Jesus spoke to the Pharisees, he didn't say they had everything wrong. What he said was this:
Matthew 23:23-26
Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cumin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel. Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.
Wow, did you catch that? More important matters of the law. More important. What was more important? Justice, mercy, and faithfulness- that's what.
How many times was I more concerned with being on time for church (straining out a gnat) than how I treated my children (swallowing a camel)? How many times did I yell at my children so we wouldn't be late? How many times was I more concerned with how my family appeared to be than how we actually were? Sometimes it took all my energy to look like everything was ok, and then I had nothing left to give to actually work on my family life. Something had to change.
How many times was I more concerned with being on time for church (straining out a gnat) than how I treated my children (swallowing a camel)? How many times did I yell at my children so we wouldn't be late? How many times was I more concerned with how my family appeared to be than how we actually were? Sometimes it took all my energy to look like everything was ok, and then I had nothing left to give to actually work on my family life. Something had to change.
Jesus tells the Pharisees two ways that they needed to change:
First, keep following the law, but don't forget about the more important matters of the law. It may be important to be at worship service, but it's more important to be loving. It is important to be a good example, but it's more important to have a pure heart.
Over the last 10 years or so, I slowly began to get the picture.
Second, Jesus tells them to clean the inside, and then the outside will also be clean. Get your heart right, and your life will show it. Fill your life with love for God and others, and you will be the example that you need to be.
Ah, makes sense. But, to do that, I had to learn to let go. Let go of this image I had of how I wanted to be seen. The image of being perfect and right all the time that I tried so hard to maintain. I had to let go of the fear of disappointing people. And I had to let go of the pain of actually disappointing them. Because it happened. How could it not?
For me, the bottom line is that the Pharisees had become more concerned with how men saw them than with how God saw them. That is a deadly pattern that I had also fallen into. I didn't mean to, I just did. Perhaps the Pharisees didn't mean to, either.
The more I realized that my heart needed to change, the more I realized that I had much in common with the Pharisees. They meant well. I meant well. They tried. I tried. They failed. I failed. They sent Jesus to the cross. I sent Jesus to the cross. Jesus died for them. Jesus died for me. Jesus wanted them to change. Jesus wanted me to change.
Did they change? Paul did. In a big way. It appears that Nicodemus changed. Did others? I don't know. I hope so.
Did I change? Not overnight, but I'm getting there. I remember how hard-headed I could be. I'm so thankful for the patience and understanding offered by those around me while I learned to care more about what God wants me to do (love others) and less about what man expects me to do. I'm thankful that those who saw my flaws didn't slap me upside the head, but instead, loved me as God molded me. I'm thankful that those who witnessed my failures didn't point them out over and over, but instead forgave me. And of course, I'm thankful that God continued to be patient, loving and kind.
So, if I was offered such grace and mercy, shouldn't I offer the same to my fellow Pharisees? I know what it's like. I've been there.
Did they change? Paul did. In a big way. It appears that Nicodemus changed. Did others? I don't know. I hope so.
Did I change? Not overnight, but I'm getting there. I remember how hard-headed I could be. I'm so thankful for the patience and understanding offered by those around me while I learned to care more about what God wants me to do (love others) and less about what man expects me to do. I'm thankful that those who saw my flaws didn't slap me upside the head, but instead, loved me as God molded me. I'm thankful that those who witnessed my failures didn't point them out over and over, but instead forgave me. And of course, I'm thankful that God continued to be patient, loving and kind.
So, if I was offered such grace and mercy, shouldn't I offer the same to my fellow Pharisees? I know what it's like. I've been there.