The Better Way

Another song I wrote a while back....

A BETTER WAY       

 

I just don’t think I’ll ever be good enough

And it feels like I can never do anything right

I try and try, but I always seem to mess up

Sometimes it takes all I have just to stay alive

 

I’m spinning round and round and just don’t think I can stop

Barely staying afloat, and my arms are about to drop

 

I do what I can just to make it through the day

You know, the less I have to feel, the better for me

But when the numbness finally goes away

I’m left empty and alone and afraid

 

I’m falling fast, and I just don’t care

I’m always going, but not going anywhere

 

There must be a better way

Must be more than living just  to die

From this pain can I be saved?

There must be more to this life

I just don’t think I can face another day

There must be a better way

 

There is no one on whom I can depend

Everyone I know just lets me down

Oh, sure they all say that they’re my friends

But when it really counts, no one’s around

 

At the end of the day, I’m always all alone

Tell me is this the only life I’ll ever know?

 

There must be a better way

Must be more than living just to die

From this pain can I be saved?

There must be more to this life

I just don’t think I can face another day

There must be a better way

 

And when I’d finally had enough

I fell down to my knees
I said, God, are you there?
And he gently said to me:

Child I created you my own

Made in my image long ago
And you were never meant to go through life alone
I came to live and die so you would know
That I love you and I always will
And even when you fall I love you still

But, yes, there is a better way

You can have peace in your life
And from this pain you can be saved
I’ll wipe every tear from your eye.
Open your heart, surrender to me today.
I’ll show you the better way.

I have found a better way
Jesus came and gave me a new life
And all my sins He washed away
As long as I’m with Him I’ll never die
And together with my Lord I face each day
Oh, in Jesus I have found the better way

 cgh 2006

used- the song

Lord sometimes I just don’t understand

How it is that I fit in your plans.

The things I want

Just get in the way

That’s when I remind myself to say.

Use me, Lord, use me

I want to be used by you, I want to be used by you.

Use me, Lord use me

Open my eyes so I can see

Just where it is you want me to be.

Lord sometimes I feel just so all alone.

Wondering why I don’t have a life of my own

And then I remember

I gave it to you.

I am no longer mine, but yours.

Use me, Lord use me.

I want to be used by you, I want to be used by you.

Use me, Lord use me.

Open my eyes so I can see

Just how you want me to be.

Even if it’s in a small way

And somehow where no one even knows

As long as it’s for you

That’s all I can ask

I am no longer mine, but yours.

It isn’t up to me, Lord you choose.

How I’ll be used.

Used

Carol Haymes

5/8/12

used

Since I was in elementary school I have written songs and poems and always figured sometime I would take the time to sort and organize and compile them into a neat little book. Well, not yet. So, when I was in college, I started writing a book entitled, "How to Survive a Christian College." I think I had maybe half a chapter! A few years after my divorce, my plan was to write a book entitled, "Diary of a Divorce." All those chapters were only written in my head! So, my plan to enlighten the world with my depth of emotion and wisdom has not come to fuition. Sigh. I did start a few years ago to just post my thoughts and sometimes songs and poems on facebook. That was pretty neat, but then those posts are lost between the posts about what I had for breakfast and what I was going to watch on TV that night.

So, here I am starting a blog! Well, I figure even if no one ever reads this, it will still be a good way for me to get my thoughts out and recorded. I have entitled this, "used." Yes, I know that technically it should be capitalized. I mean, I do teach reading. And more importantly, I had an English minor as a college roommate for two years! But, this word has special meaning- and I see it as lowercase.

Have you ever felt used? Have you ever felt like tossed away refuse? Abandoned? Wanted by no one? I  have. I have struggled with these feelings for years and still do from time to time. I know that God loves me, but for some reason, for years that was not enough. But, I have come to realize that indeed, God is enough. He is enough.

I have loved Jesus since I was a very little girl. I wanted to be used in his kingdom. What I came to realize is that for years, I wanted to be used by God in the manner which I saw fit. I saw it this way- He is the Potter, I am the clay. But, I'd like to be a nice pretty vase that everyone looks at and goes, "Wow, look what the Potter did with that chunk of clay!" Only in the last few years have I come to realize that if I am truly to allow myself to be the clay, well, then it was up to the Potter what to make of me. When my husband first left years ago, I remember crying to a close friend, lamenting, "I was supposed to be the example of a Christian wife and mother. Our family was supposed to be the Christian family that everyone looks at!" (wow, what an ego, but I digress.)

My friend simply said to me, "Well, maybe you are supposed to be the example of what a Christian woman does when her husband leaves."

"That's not what I want!" I cried. Then it hit me. Oh, probably not right then, but eventually. Do I only want to be used by God if it fits into my neat little plan?

Maybe the Potter wants me to be a plate. But, I don't want to be a plate. No one notices a plate. But, a plate is useful. The world needs plates.

God, if you want me to be a plate, I'll be a plate. As long as by you, I'm used.