Psalm 139 for Teens

I wrote this last year (ok, I adapted it) for our church's high school banquet...

Psalm 139 For Teens

God you have looked deep into my heart and know me like no human ever could.

You know everything I do and everything I feel.

You know exactly what I’m thinking every moment of every day.

You know what time I get up in the morning, you know how many hours I’m on facebook without even looking.

You know when I wake up with a big pimple on my face and how that makes me feel.

You know when I’m late to school, when I’m late to class, when I’m late going to bed.

You know my status updates before I have posted them.

Really, you know my status updates before I have even thought of them.

Before I even pick up my phone, you know what I’m going to text.

You see into my heart and understand exactly how I feel when I read my posts or texts or when I look and there are no posts or texts.

When it feels like no one could ever understand the pain, you do.

When I can’t even describe how I feel, you get it.

You are there when I cry myself to sleep at night.

You catch every tear.

You know when I am curled up in my closet feeling like things will never get better.

You understand when I don’t understand anything.

I can’t explain it, but I know this is true.

  

Where can I go to be without you?

If I get in my car and drive miles away to college- you will be there.

If I work hours and hours just trying to escape- you will be there.

If I go to a friend’s house and forget who I am- you are there.

If I go where I have never gone before, done things that I have never done before, said things that I have never said before- still you are there.

You are never too far away that I can not simply say your name and fall into your arms.

There is nothing that I can do to make you love me any less.

Nor is there anything that I can do to make you love me any more.

You love me completely and fully-right now- just the way I am.

But you created me with a purpose.

I am meant for more than the things this world has to offer.

You had a plan for me before my mother and father even met.

You carefully designed every part of me and I was created to honor and praise you!

I do praise you because you have handcrafted me in your image.

Your image is beautiful- I know this to be true.

So, I must be beautiful as well.

Before I was born, you were already with me.

You watched me grow and develop.

You had a plan for every day of my life before I took my first breath!

 How incredible you are, God, creator of the Universe.

And how much I love that you want to spend your time with me!

When I don’t fit in, I fit in with you.

When I don’t have the right clothes or car or electronic gadget,

You don’t care.

Lord, when the mirror and scales just don’t look the way the world says they are supposed to,

Remind me that I only need care about what you see.

When I don’t get the job or get in the club, remind me that you define me, not the world.

When I do get the promotion and win the contest, again, remind me that you define me, not the world.

I know that it doesn’t matter what people in this world think of me.

It only matters what you think of me, Oh my God and Savior.

I am yours. I belong to you.

Look deep into my heart, Lord. Let me know what it is that you want me to do.

Make it plain and clear to me the direction in which I need to go.

Tell me what words to speak, or not to speak.

Stop me when I am about to take a step in the wrong direction.

Put something in my path to tell me, “No! Turn around!”

Open my eyes so that I can see the path you have set before me.

You have a plan and I want to follow it.

Lead me, God.

Lead me as I make my way. Lead me as I learn and make mistakes. When I fall, help me to get up and keep going.

I know that your hand is outstretched and waiting for mine to hold on to it.

I know that if I hold your hand and stay close to your side that it may not be an easy journey, but it will be an incredible one.

adapted by Carol Haymes 2011

The Better Way

Another song I wrote a while back....

A BETTER WAY       

 

I just don’t think I’ll ever be good enough

And it feels like I can never do anything right

I try and try, but I always seem to mess up

Sometimes it takes all I have just to stay alive

 

I’m spinning round and round and just don’t think I can stop

Barely staying afloat, and my arms are about to drop

 

I do what I can just to make it through the day

You know, the less I have to feel, the better for me

But when the numbness finally goes away

I’m left empty and alone and afraid

 

I’m falling fast, and I just don’t care

I’m always going, but not going anywhere

 

There must be a better way

Must be more than living just  to die

From this pain can I be saved?

There must be more to this life

I just don’t think I can face another day

There must be a better way

 

There is no one on whom I can depend

Everyone I know just lets me down

Oh, sure they all say that they’re my friends

But when it really counts, no one’s around

 

At the end of the day, I’m always all alone

Tell me is this the only life I’ll ever know?

 

There must be a better way

Must be more than living just to die

From this pain can I be saved?

There must be more to this life

I just don’t think I can face another day

There must be a better way

 

And when I’d finally had enough

I fell down to my knees
I said, God, are you there?
And he gently said to me:

Child I created you my own

Made in my image long ago
And you were never meant to go through life alone
I came to live and die so you would know
That I love you and I always will
And even when you fall I love you still

But, yes, there is a better way

You can have peace in your life
And from this pain you can be saved
I’ll wipe every tear from your eye.
Open your heart, surrender to me today.
I’ll show you the better way.

I have found a better way
Jesus came and gave me a new life
And all my sins He washed away
As long as I’m with Him I’ll never die
And together with my Lord I face each day
Oh, in Jesus I have found the better way

 cgh 2006

used- the song

Lord sometimes I just don’t understand

How it is that I fit in your plans.

The things I want

Just get in the way

That’s when I remind myself to say.

Use me, Lord, use me

I want to be used by you, I want to be used by you.

Use me, Lord use me

Open my eyes so I can see

Just where it is you want me to be.

Lord sometimes I feel just so all alone.

Wondering why I don’t have a life of my own

And then I remember

I gave it to you.

I am no longer mine, but yours.

Use me, Lord use me.

I want to be used by you, I want to be used by you.

Use me, Lord use me.

Open my eyes so I can see

Just how you want me to be.

Even if it’s in a small way

And somehow where no one even knows

As long as it’s for you

That’s all I can ask

I am no longer mine, but yours.

It isn’t up to me, Lord you choose.

How I’ll be used.

Used

Carol Haymes

5/8/12

used

Since I was in elementary school I have written songs and poems and always figured sometime I would take the time to sort and organize and compile them into a neat little book. Well, not yet. So, when I was in college, I started writing a book entitled, "How to Survive a Christian College." I think I had maybe half a chapter! A few years after my divorce, my plan was to write a book entitled, "Diary of a Divorce." All those chapters were only written in my head! So, my plan to enlighten the world with my depth of emotion and wisdom has not come to fuition. Sigh. I did start a few years ago to just post my thoughts and sometimes songs and poems on facebook. That was pretty neat, but then those posts are lost between the posts about what I had for breakfast and what I was going to watch on TV that night.

So, here I am starting a blog! Well, I figure even if no one ever reads this, it will still be a good way for me to get my thoughts out and recorded. I have entitled this, "used." Yes, I know that technically it should be capitalized. I mean, I do teach reading. And more importantly, I had an English minor as a college roommate for two years! But, this word has special meaning- and I see it as lowercase.

Have you ever felt used? Have you ever felt like tossed away refuse? Abandoned? Wanted by no one? I  have. I have struggled with these feelings for years and still do from time to time. I know that God loves me, but for some reason, for years that was not enough. But, I have come to realize that indeed, God is enough. He is enough.

I have loved Jesus since I was a very little girl. I wanted to be used in his kingdom. What I came to realize is that for years, I wanted to be used by God in the manner which I saw fit. I saw it this way- He is the Potter, I am the clay. But, I'd like to be a nice pretty vase that everyone looks at and goes, "Wow, look what the Potter did with that chunk of clay!" Only in the last few years have I come to realize that if I am truly to allow myself to be the clay, well, then it was up to the Potter what to make of me. When my husband first left years ago, I remember crying to a close friend, lamenting, "I was supposed to be the example of a Christian wife and mother. Our family was supposed to be the Christian family that everyone looks at!" (wow, what an ego, but I digress.)

My friend simply said to me, "Well, maybe you are supposed to be the example of what a Christian woman does when her husband leaves."

"That's not what I want!" I cried. Then it hit me. Oh, probably not right then, but eventually. Do I only want to be used by God if it fits into my neat little plan?

Maybe the Potter wants me to be a plate. But, I don't want to be a plate. No one notices a plate. But, a plate is useful. The world needs plates.

God, if you want me to be a plate, I'll be a plate. As long as by you, I'm used.