The Desires of My Heart

Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart.

This verse has long been a favorite of mine. I must admit, however, that when I was younger, much younger- as a teenager, I sort of saw this verse as a way to get what I wanted. Basically, if I do what God says to do, then He will give me what I want. I mean, isn't that what the verse says? To a teenage girl, and then to a girl in her twenties and even beyond, life is full of dreams. Waiting for the day that Prince Charming rides up on his white horse to take me away to live happily ever after.

I believed that if I obeyed God and His teachings, then this verse promised He would give me the desires of my heart. And the desires of my heart were to fall in love, be a Christian wife and mother and raise a happy family. There. Are those desires so bad? Would that quid pro quo be so terrible?

I mean, I didn't see it like I was using God, only that I was being rewarded for being faithful. When I was 27, my dream came true. I walked down the aisle toward my knight in shining armor. And for a few years, I had all the desires of my heart. It had worked. My patience and trust had paid off. I was a walking example of how first you delight yourself in the Lord, and then He'll give you the desires of your heart. My life was complete.

And then, when I was 34, the bottom fell out. My husband left. Now, wait a minute. Being a single mother to a toddler and an infant was not part of the desires of my heart. This was not what I signed up for. At all. What about God's promise?

Well, the years went by and the lessons I learned were painful, but necessary. For a while, I still thought, ok, God gives everyone free will, so my husband always had a choice to leave, but surely, if I continue to delight in the Lord, that means that God will find another love for me.

And He did. Just not the way that I thought He would.

The more time I spent with God, the more time I spent listening to Him, the more I learned. Then one day it hit me. When I truly delight myself in the Lord, He WILL give me the desires of my heart. Because the desires of my heart will be HIM! He will be the desire of my heart. Him. Him and him alone.

When I delight myself in the Lord, I have everything I could ever need.

So, the happy ending doesn't come when the prince comes to carry the princess away to live happily ever after. The happy ending comes when the hole in my heart is filled. The happy ending comes when I'm complete.

I'm not saying that I won't ever get married again, I may. But, for now, I already have my happy ending.