Woe to Me.... or That's Fair, You See!

I used to be pretty harsh on the Pharisees, that is until I realized that I was one. Now, I consider myself to be a recovering Pharisee.

I shared those sentiments in Bible class last Sunday. "Carol, I can't quite see you as a Pharisee," was one response. Isn't that the point, though? I mean, it was difficult for me to see myself as a Pharisee as well.

To us in modern times, the word Pharisee is associated with words such as hypocrite, false, judgemental. But, back then, a Pharisee was righteous, pious, a rule follower, did everything right (or at least appeared to). Well, THAT was me. And if I had those positive traits, perhaps I needed to examine myself to see if I had the negative traits as well.

Religious leader? Yes, I would say that I was. I was active in many areas of the church, and in charge of a few.

Rule follower? Definitely. I did really try to follow all the rules. And, it mattered to me that people knew that. I wanted to be a good example, and there's nothing wrong with that, but like with the Pharisees, there was more to the story.

Harsh and judgemental? Whoa, this one is tough for me, but yes, I was. I didn't have much pity for those who made poor choices. Actually, I didn't have much pity for those who made choices that I wouldn't have made. I didn't have much pity for those who thought differently from me. I was right. They were wrong. Wrong. Period.

Yes, I was very concerned with being right. I could argue someone under the table. I had multiple scriptures to back up everything I said. Oh, I'd call it a debate or religious discussion, or even a Bible study, but really, I was arguing. I see that now.

And then I started asking myself, what is the right thing to do? Well, Jesus said first- love God. Second- love people. So, how was I doing on that? Gulp.

So, now I'm not so harsh on the Pharisees. I know that the only group that Jesus WAS hard on was the religious leaders (including the you-know-whos), but hear me out.

The Pharisees THOUGHT that they were doing what they were supposed to. They thought they had it all figured out (ding! ding! me again!). They thought it was their duty to point out the errors of others (wow, I really was one!). But, they missed the point (ugh- so did I).

When Jesus spoke to the Pharisees, he didn't say they had everything wrong. What he said was this:

Matthew 23:23-26

Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cumin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former.  You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel. Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence.  Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.

Wow, did you catch that? More important matters of the law. More important. What was more important? Justice, mercy, and faithfulness- that's what.

How many times was I more concerned with being on time for church (straining out a gnat) than how I treated my children (swallowing a camel)? How many times did I yell at my children so we wouldn't be late?  How many times was I more concerned with how my family appeared to be than how we actually were? Sometimes it took all my energy to look like everything was ok, and then I had nothing left to give to actually work on my family life. Something had to change.

Jesus tells the Pharisees two ways that they needed to change:

First, keep following the law, but don't forget about the more important matters of the law. It may be important to be at worship service, but it's more important to be loving. It is important to be a good example, but it's more important to have a pure heart.

Over the last 10 years or so, I slowly began to get the picture.

Second, Jesus tells them to clean the inside, and then the outside will also be clean. Get your heart right, and your life will show it. Fill your life with love for God and others, and you will be the example that you need to be.

Ah, makes sense. But, to do that, I had to learn to let go. Let go of this image I had of how I wanted to be seen. The image of being perfect and right all the time that I tried so hard to maintain. I had to let go of the fear of disappointing people. And I had to let go of the pain of actually disappointing them. Because it happened. How could it not?

For me, the bottom line is that the Pharisees had become more concerned with how men saw them than with how God saw them. That is a deadly pattern that I had also fallen into. I didn't mean to, I just did. Perhaps the Pharisees didn't mean to, either.

The more I realized that my heart needed to change, the more I realized that I had much in common with the Pharisees. They meant well. I meant well. They tried. I tried. They failed. I failed. They sent Jesus to the cross. I sent Jesus to the cross. Jesus died for them. Jesus died for me. Jesus wanted them to change. Jesus wanted me to change.

Did they change? Paul did. In a big way. It appears that Nicodemus changed. Did others? I don't know. I hope so.

Did I change? Not overnight, but I'm getting there. I remember how hard-headed I could be. I'm so thankful for the patience and understanding offered by those around me while I learned to care more about what God wants me to do (love others) and less about what man expects me to do. I'm thankful that those who saw my flaws didn't slap me upside the head, but instead, loved me as God molded me. I'm thankful that those who witnessed my failures didn't point them out over and over, but instead forgave me. And of course, I'm thankful that God continued to be patient, loving and kind.

So, if I was offered such grace and mercy, shouldn't I offer the same to my fellow Pharisees? I know what it's like. I've been there.

The Desires of My Heart

Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart.

This verse has long been a favorite of mine. I must admit, however, that when I was younger, much younger- as a teenager, I sort of saw this verse as a way to get what I wanted. Basically, if I do what God says to do, then He will give me what I want. I mean, isn't that what the verse says? To a teenage girl, and then to a girl in her twenties and even beyond, life is full of dreams. Waiting for the day that Prince Charming rides up on his white horse to take me away to live happily ever after.

I believed that if I obeyed God and His teachings, then this verse promised He would give me the desires of my heart. And the desires of my heart were to fall in love, be a Christian wife and mother and raise a happy family. There. Are those desires so bad? Would that quid pro quo be so terrible?

I mean, I didn't see it like I was using God, only that I was being rewarded for being faithful. When I was 27, my dream came true. I walked down the aisle toward my knight in shining armor. And for a few years, I had all the desires of my heart. It had worked. My patience and trust had paid off. I was a walking example of how first you delight yourself in the Lord, and then He'll give you the desires of your heart. My life was complete.

And then, when I was 34, the bottom fell out. My husband left. Now, wait a minute. Being a single mother to a toddler and an infant was not part of the desires of my heart. This was not what I signed up for. At all. What about God's promise?

Well, the years went by and the lessons I learned were painful, but necessary. For a while, I still thought, ok, God gives everyone free will, so my husband always had a choice to leave, but surely, if I continue to delight in the Lord, that means that God will find another love for me.

And He did. Just not the way that I thought He would.

The more time I spent with God, the more time I spent listening to Him, the more I learned. Then one day it hit me. When I truly delight myself in the Lord, He WILL give me the desires of my heart. Because the desires of my heart will be HIM! He will be the desire of my heart. Him. Him and him alone.

When I delight myself in the Lord, I have everything I could ever need.

So, the happy ending doesn't come when the prince comes to carry the princess away to live happily ever after. The happy ending comes when the hole in my heart is filled. The happy ending comes when I'm complete.

I'm not saying that I won't ever get married again, I may. But, for now, I already have my happy ending.

Today

From maybe 6 years ago or so....


I'm often plagued by "might have beens"-
"If only I had known!"
I could have done things differently
And I wouldn't be alone.
I try to think back to the time
I made my first mistake
That led to another and another
And then it was too late.
Satan likes to take me to the past
He knows there's nothing I can do
But lament the things that I did wrong
And the heartache they led to.

I'm often plagued by "what could be"-
"If" life only went my way!
"If" circumstances were as I wished
Then I could be happy today!
I imagine what my life would be
If those around me would only change-
The peaceful life I've dreamed about
I could finally arrange.
Satan likes to take me to tomorrow
Because then I ignore today.
He wants me discontented with my life-
When I am, he gets his way.

I'm often plagued by others' sins-
A solution must be found!
If I could only say the magic words
"I" could turn their lives around!
I like to take on others' problems
And fix them nice and neat.
Why can't they see what they need to do
When it's so obvious to me?
Satan likes me to look at others' faults
And think "If only they could see-
How what they do just makes things worse-
Don't they care how it affects me?"

Is there any way I can control these plagues?
I don't see how I can-
But I can let go completely and give myself
To the One who has the plan.
When I am looking for the Lord
Today is where He'll be.
I can pray that His will be done
And allow Him to change me.
Not until I surrender fully to my God
Can His blessings truly flow
My past forgiven, my future sure
And more joy than I could know!

cghaymes

Deja vu

Ok, apparently I repeat myself... here is a note that I posted in facebook on June 24, 2011, which basically says the same thing as my last blog post.... go figure. I kind of like the way I expressed it here. I obviously still struggle with this, but I hope that I'm living it better now, a year and a half later.

Matthew 5: 38-48
 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles.  Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.

    “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’  But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,  that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.  If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that?  And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?  Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

      These words have really spoken to me lately. This has been hard stuff for me to swallow. I mean, in America, it seems that we are all about our rights. Stand up for our rights! This does not seem to be what Jesus is teaching. And he also does not appear to be speaking figuratively, either. Couldn't any Roman soldier "force" a person to carry their gear for them for a mile? Wasn't that the law? Did Jesus say, "Everyone needs to sign a petition to change that law- that is just not right!" No, he didn't. He said, "Walk with him two miles!" Doesn't Jesus know how hot it is and how tired I am??

     Could it be that Jesus is more concerned with the eternal than the earthly? Could it be that what man considers being taken advantage of is what Jesus sees as an opportunity to serve?

     But what if this happens or what if that happens? If I do this, won't everyone take advantage of me? Won't I end up with nothing? Won't I be serving everyone around me. Hmmmm. Yes, I guess so. My job is not to ensure the outcome. My job is to obey my master- Jesus. Hasn't he promised to take care of me? Yeah, maybe not in the way in which I have grown accustomed, though. Am I ready for that?

      When Jesus walked this earth, did he make a nice, comfortable life for himself? Or did he pour himself out for us, loving and serving those around him. He walked this earth as a journey toward eternity. I am not meant to settle down here. I'm meant to follow him.

     But, do I trust him enough to do as he asks? Do I trust him enough to let my neighbor park on my side of the street or use part of my yard for their belongings? Do I trust him enough to not react with indignation when a sales person is rude to me or even- aghast- tries to cheat me? I am stepping on my own toes- ouch!
   
     Many times, including in this passage, Jesus tells me that I am not to treat others based on the way they treat me. He tells me that I am to act toward others based on whom I serve- Jesus. It doesn't matter how I am treated. It matters how I treat others. Wow. And again, ouch.
   
     If my boss asks me to work an hour late, do I stay two hours late? If my neighbor wants to borrow my lawnmower, do I happily loan him my edger also? What if my neighbor's tree leans over into my yard? What if their dog digs up my flowers? What if the guy on the highway cuts me off? What if that lady at the store is rude to me? Could it be that I am to react with kindness? Does that make sense? No, it doesn't- at least not on earth. God doesn't call us to make sense to the world, though.
     
     So am I called to be a doormat? Hmmmmm. You know, perhaps I am. I am called to obey and the outcome is left up to God. Jesus said that even tax collectors love those who are nice to them. Again, we are called to do more- to be more. We are called to love those who are mean to us. We are called to show kindness to those who would take advantage of us.   
    
     But, wait, if I willingly serve someone, then they are not taking advantage of me, then, are they?

Really?

Really?

Is that what I'm supposed to do?

This year's LTC theme is "The Extra Mile." It comes from Matthew 5, part of Jesus's Sermon on the Mount. Here are some of the verses surrounding it:
You have heard, "An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth" but I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on your right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you. Matthew 5:38-41

So, our puppet scripts are all about going the extra mile, our short film was all about it, etc. etc. but I wonder how much I've really taken this to heart. Was Jesus speaking literally? Only figuratively? Am I really supposed to turn the other cheek? Because the expected result would be that I'm slapped again. What about "Fool me once..." Does that make any sense? Did Jesus say it would make sense?

We have told the LTC kids that back in Jesus's day, the Romans could literally force a Jewish person to carry their gear for a mile, but not further. Jesus was telling them to walk an extra mile. Did anyone actually do that? I mean, were there really Roman soldiers saying things like, "Why would you walk more than you have to?" or "You Christians are so stupid, but I don't care- you're carrying my gear!"?

Were there people who were sued for something and then gave more than the judge demanded? Really? Did Jesus really expect them to do this? Does he really expect you to do this? And me?

We live in a world that is all about rights. Equal rights. Stand up for your rights. Fight for your rights. Die for your rights.

Do I hear Jesus saying in these verses that I am to set aside my rights? Do I hear him saying that there is something more important than my individual rights? How can that make any sense at all?

I Corinthians 1:27 But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.

I Corinthians 3:19 For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God’s sight.

Hmmmm.... could it be that while it may appear foolish to the world (laying down my rights), that it is indeed what God is asking of me?

And that the wisdom of the world (stand up for my rights) is actually seen by God as foolishness?

Wow. And looking back at 1:27. That verse says that those being used by God will be seen by the world as weak and foolish. Wow. Am I ready to be used that way?

If I follow what Jesus says, then yes. But, how? Do I wait to be slapped? or sued? or asked for something? I guess those happen often enough (Ok, I've never been slapped or sued).

What about giving to someone? These days we seem to be very concerned with people deserving what we give them. Why? Was Jesus? Do I deserve what he gave me? That's a pretty obvious no.

So, does someone have to be deserving in any way for us to treat them the way he asks? It doesn't appear so to me...

So, really?

What do I do if someone cuts in front of me in traffic. And by this, I mean, we've all moved over to the one lane that's open ahead and a car zooms by everyone waiting in line and then expects to be let in right before the lane closure- traffic. How do I respond?

What do I do if the waitress or clerk isn't as fast with service as I had hoped? or makes a mistake? or is purposely rude? (I mean, isn't that not even nearly as bad as being sued? And yet we seem to take rude behavior as an immediate call to action.)

What do I do if someone spreads rumors about me? or steals from me? or says something unkind to me?

Or a co-worker takes credit for something that I've done? or blames me for something that I didn't do?

Or if a spouse fails miserably? or maybe just forgets to clean the counter? or a best friend disappoints you? or a child?

What if an ex-spouse doesn't send the child support? or ruins plans? or breaks promises?

What action does Jesus call me to?

What action was he called to? Jesus laid down his rights for the world. For me. For my sins.

Yes, I know the story of the temple and the whip- that's for me to write about some other time- he was not defending his personal rights. I don't see where Jesus ever defended his personal rights. I only see him setting them aside for a higher purpose.

Is that what he's asking me to do? Set aside my rights for a higher purpose?

And what was it that he said was the greatest command? And the second?

Is that what I'm supposed to do?

Really?

fakebook

I had a busy morning. I woke up, spent my two hours of quality time with God in prayer and meditation, showered, dressed, cleaned the living room, cooked breakfast for my children, drove them all to school, and then got to work with enough time to relax with a nice cup of tea before I started  my workday. Not.

The other day I read something about someone (wasn't that eloquent- and specific) calling facebook- fakebook. That often we portray our lives as all rosy and full of achievement and success. Perhaps some do. I try not to. In fact, some of my favorite posts are from people describing their real, authentic, lives full of challenges, obstacles, and yes, problems and even failures. Children fighting. Hey, so do mine. Messy House? Me too! Struggling spiritually? Isn't that all of us at one time or another? None of us is perfect. It's a beat down to compare our insides with others' outsides. When we are transparent, life is just better.

So, I'll begin again. I had a busy morning. I woke up- threw on my robe to drive my oldest two to school before 7. Came home, planning to lie down for a few minutes. Woke up- late- couldn't find any dress pants except capris. Remembered I had a jeans day coupon. Thank you, God (In all honesty, I'm not sure that I did give the credit to God. If I had've, that could have counted as prayer and meditation). Rushed to work - was a few minutes late (please don't tell). Grabbed a breakfast bar from my drawer as I hurried to the cafeteria for morning duty. Did I mention that my children are self sufficient with breakfast? Did I mention that I left my youngest to get himself to school? Did I mention that I received an email saying that he was tardy? Did I mention that I am thankful for this wonderful, crazy, real life I have? For reals.

Psalm 139 for Teens

I wrote this last year (ok, I adapted it) for our church's high school banquet...

Psalm 139 For Teens

God you have looked deep into my heart and know me like no human ever could.

You know everything I do and everything I feel.

You know exactly what I’m thinking every moment of every day.

You know what time I get up in the morning, you know how many hours I’m on facebook without even looking.

You know when I wake up with a big pimple on my face and how that makes me feel.

You know when I’m late to school, when I’m late to class, when I’m late going to bed.

You know my status updates before I have posted them.

Really, you know my status updates before I have even thought of them.

Before I even pick up my phone, you know what I’m going to text.

You see into my heart and understand exactly how I feel when I read my posts or texts or when I look and there are no posts or texts.

When it feels like no one could ever understand the pain, you do.

When I can’t even describe how I feel, you get it.

You are there when I cry myself to sleep at night.

You catch every tear.

You know when I am curled up in my closet feeling like things will never get better.

You understand when I don’t understand anything.

I can’t explain it, but I know this is true.

  

Where can I go to be without you?

If I get in my car and drive miles away to college- you will be there.

If I work hours and hours just trying to escape- you will be there.

If I go to a friend’s house and forget who I am- you are there.

If I go where I have never gone before, done things that I have never done before, said things that I have never said before- still you are there.

You are never too far away that I can not simply say your name and fall into your arms.

There is nothing that I can do to make you love me any less.

Nor is there anything that I can do to make you love me any more.

You love me completely and fully-right now- just the way I am.

But you created me with a purpose.

I am meant for more than the things this world has to offer.

You had a plan for me before my mother and father even met.

You carefully designed every part of me and I was created to honor and praise you!

I do praise you because you have handcrafted me in your image.

Your image is beautiful- I know this to be true.

So, I must be beautiful as well.

Before I was born, you were already with me.

You watched me grow and develop.

You had a plan for every day of my life before I took my first breath!

 How incredible you are, God, creator of the Universe.

And how much I love that you want to spend your time with me!

When I don’t fit in, I fit in with you.

When I don’t have the right clothes or car or electronic gadget,

You don’t care.

Lord, when the mirror and scales just don’t look the way the world says they are supposed to,

Remind me that I only need care about what you see.

When I don’t get the job or get in the club, remind me that you define me, not the world.

When I do get the promotion and win the contest, again, remind me that you define me, not the world.

I know that it doesn’t matter what people in this world think of me.

It only matters what you think of me, Oh my God and Savior.

I am yours. I belong to you.

Look deep into my heart, Lord. Let me know what it is that you want me to do.

Make it plain and clear to me the direction in which I need to go.

Tell me what words to speak, or not to speak.

Stop me when I am about to take a step in the wrong direction.

Put something in my path to tell me, “No! Turn around!”

Open my eyes so that I can see the path you have set before me.

You have a plan and I want to follow it.

Lead me, God.

Lead me as I make my way. Lead me as I learn and make mistakes. When I fall, help me to get up and keep going.

I know that your hand is outstretched and waiting for mine to hold on to it.

I know that if I hold your hand and stay close to your side that it may not be an easy journey, but it will be an incredible one.

adapted by Carol Haymes 2011