I feel your pain, I really do. You feel like the country is falling apart. You feel like our morality is crumbling. I'm not so sure that it is any less different today than yesterday, except for the fact that we Christians are perhaps losing our positive affect on the world.
Please hear me out. I think that anytime our government legally allows something that Christians believe is wrong, we are afraid. We feel like this is the collapse of our nation. In the grand scheme of things, I'm not sure that the state of our nation even matters.
What did Jesus say? What did he teach? Did he rally the disciples to storm the steps of the government and demand that temple prostitution be made illegal? No, he commended the love shown by the prostitute and told her that he forgave her.
If I remember correctly, Jesus's actions often puzzled or even outraged the religious folks of the time.
God's laws cannot be legislated. If so, do we make it illegal to divorce except in the case of adultery? Do we make it illegal to have sex outside of marriage? Do we make it illegal to get drunk? We know how well that law in our country's history worked. No, God's laws must be written on our hearts and chosen to follow.
I'm pretty sure that the ruling today is not going to determine whether or not someone is going to partake of homosexuality. That decision is made in the hearts of humans, not in the courtroom. Today's decision does not mean that you have to agree with that lifestyle, either. It simply means that in this country, people can chose anyone to marry.
I don't have to agree with a lifestyle to agree that individuals who chose it deserve to have the same civil rights that I do. Should women who get pregnant outside of wedlock not be allowed the same medical care as married women, because, well you know, we would be condoning their behavior?
So, here is what I have to say. My goal is to win others to Christ. I cannot do that while hating or bashing. I cannot do that while making fun of people. When I partake in these things, I lose my influence.
If today's decision is going to motivate Christians to action, shouldn't it be to get us up and sharing our love and faith more? Shouldn't we be more motivated to win souls to Jesus by sharing the good news of salvation?
After all, Jesus saves and changes lives, not the government.
Friday, June 26, 2015
Thursday, December 4, 2014
Do Your Part or Stop Complaining (or both!)
Years ago I remember spending time complaining about how my ex-husband (oh, how I hate that word- but that's another story) was not paying child support. I was complaining to my James Group the Other Half (read Al-Anon) sponsor. Her response was basically that I needed to do something about it or stop complaining. Had I done my part? Had I filed child support papers with the attorney general? No. Then stop complaining. It was hard to hear, but a lesson I needed to learn. I wasn't emotionally ready to go to court, so I decided that my only appropriate course of action was to stop complaining. If I wasn't ready to do my part, how could I complain that he wasn't doing his part. (FYI a few years later I was ready and filed. :))
This lesson has helped me several times in my life. First, it's helped me as a parent. When my youngest was maybe two, I was at my wit's end. I mean, he was doing things he shouldn't be doing and saying things that he shouldn't be saying. Frustratingly enough, me simply saying "NO!" from across the room was not working. Imagine that. He was not meeting my expectations at all. It was at this time that I purchased and read the updated "Strong-Willed Child" by James Dobson. I realized of course that I was not doing my part. It was my job to teach him. If I loved this child and wanted to do right by him, then I needed to get up and walk across the room, kneel down to his level and say "NO!" in his face. It showed him I was serious and that I cared enough to make the effort. Of course, I would have to do this about a thousand times a day for years.
From time to time as a parent I still have to have a get serious moment with myself when I find myself being frustrated and overwhelmed by my children's behaviors. What had I done to help the situation? What was my part? Had I done my part? More often than not, I hadn't. I had to remember that I'm the adult and needed to just suck it up and do what needed to be done- be that grounding, turning off the wifi, setting up teacher conferences, etc. It is my job, after all, to teach them.
Just today I realized that I have also had to learn this lesson as a teacher. It is all to easy to gripe and complain about my students. Yesterday I was especially frustrated at the increased amount of talking and the decreased amount of working that was taking place. I was losing it. In speaking (read complaining) with a wise co-worker, I was reminded, "Have you done this? Have you done that?" In my head, I'm thinking, "Ugh! That is too much work! They need to just be quiet and work!"
I realized, once again, that it is my job to teach them. This morning in a staff meeting, we heard the phrase, "Teacher behavior drives student behavior." Sigh. Yes, it's up to me. So, I took a deep breath and simply took the time to do some re-teaching. Not yelling, not demoralizing, but re-teaching. Did it take time? Yes. Did I want to do it? No. Was it my decision to do it? Yes. Was it work? Yes. Are my students (and my sanity) worth it? You bet!
Talk is cheap. Anyone can complain about a situation. What needs to happen is someone needs to do something about it.
This lesson has helped me several times in my life. First, it's helped me as a parent. When my youngest was maybe two, I was at my wit's end. I mean, he was doing things he shouldn't be doing and saying things that he shouldn't be saying. Frustratingly enough, me simply saying "NO!" from across the room was not working. Imagine that. He was not meeting my expectations at all. It was at this time that I purchased and read the updated "Strong-Willed Child" by James Dobson. I realized of course that I was not doing my part. It was my job to teach him. If I loved this child and wanted to do right by him, then I needed to get up and walk across the room, kneel down to his level and say "NO!" in his face. It showed him I was serious and that I cared enough to make the effort. Of course, I would have to do this about a thousand times a day for years.
From time to time as a parent I still have to have a get serious moment with myself when I find myself being frustrated and overwhelmed by my children's behaviors. What had I done to help the situation? What was my part? Had I done my part? More often than not, I hadn't. I had to remember that I'm the adult and needed to just suck it up and do what needed to be done- be that grounding, turning off the wifi, setting up teacher conferences, etc. It is my job, after all, to teach them.
Just today I realized that I have also had to learn this lesson as a teacher. It is all to easy to gripe and complain about my students. Yesterday I was especially frustrated at the increased amount of talking and the decreased amount of working that was taking place. I was losing it. In speaking (read complaining) with a wise co-worker, I was reminded, "Have you done this? Have you done that?" In my head, I'm thinking, "Ugh! That is too much work! They need to just be quiet and work!"
I realized, once again, that it is my job to teach them. This morning in a staff meeting, we heard the phrase, "Teacher behavior drives student behavior." Sigh. Yes, it's up to me. So, I took a deep breath and simply took the time to do some re-teaching. Not yelling, not demoralizing, but re-teaching. Did it take time? Yes. Did I want to do it? No. Was it my decision to do it? Yes. Was it work? Yes. Are my students (and my sanity) worth it? You bet!
Talk is cheap. Anyone can complain about a situation. What needs to happen is someone needs to do something about it.
Friday, August 15, 2014
Back to School *insert clever saying here*
Social media is full of fun posts about back to school. Videos of dancing orangutans to describe the joy parents are feeling, and of Michael Scott screaming, "NO!" to describe how teachers are feeling. I have teacher friends who have been posting about working in their rooms, getting everything ready. Me? I haven't even stepped foot in my school since June 6th. I won't lie. I love summer, er, summer break! Sleeping late, lazy days, summer camp, youth group mission trip, fun outings, family fun, sleeping late, lazy days, you get the idea. I love summer break!
Don't get me wrong- I also love my job. I'm incredibly blessed to have it. I work in a fantastic place with even more fantastic people! And, I work with many believers- how great is that? But, I'm lazy, so sleeping late and lazy days are precious to me. Smile.
So, when back to school time rolls back around, I moan and groan. I will get my classroom in order in time. I will be grateful and happy to come to work, but a part of me is screaming, "No!"
I've always tried to love people and show Jesus in my job, even though I have struggled greatly with it. I have considered that I'm an employee of God, not CFB. But, I've kind of had the mindset of, "Well, as long as I have to be here to support my family, I should act like God wants me to."
But, lately, I'm seeing going back to school differently. God has been working extra hard on my heart this past week or so. "I have a job for you- a mission field. And it's at Vivian Field Middle School in Farmers Branch."
Will I accept his assignment?
Will I be eager to meet my new students?
Will I spend time to get to know them?
Will I be able to show love to them even when they aren't lovable?
Will I be patient with them when they act like average 7th graders?
Will I be eager to get to know my new co-workers (and the returning ones)?
Will I spend time to get to know them?
Will I be able to show love to them even when they aren't lovable?
Will I be patient with them when they act like average adults?
Will I show Jesus and share Jesus with students and staff every opportunity I can?
Gulp.
That means telling myself no. A lot.
That means being positive. A lot.
That means taking a deep breath. A lot.
God has set a task before me. Has he set one before you?
How can I scream, "No!" to such a call?
As a baptized believer, I have the Holy Spirit living inside of me! INSIDE OF ME, PEOPLE! THE HOLY SPIRIT! How dare I not let him have control!
Join me as God sends his people into the school system. Join me as we answer God's call to go into all the world. And pray for me. Pray for all teachers. Pray that we treat his children the way he wants us to.
Back to school? You bet!
"Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age." Matthew 28: 18-20
Don't get me wrong- I also love my job. I'm incredibly blessed to have it. I work in a fantastic place with even more fantastic people! And, I work with many believers- how great is that? But, I'm lazy, so sleeping late and lazy days are precious to me. Smile.
So, when back to school time rolls back around, I moan and groan. I will get my classroom in order in time. I will be grateful and happy to come to work, but a part of me is screaming, "No!"
I've always tried to love people and show Jesus in my job, even though I have struggled greatly with it. I have considered that I'm an employee of God, not CFB. But, I've kind of had the mindset of, "Well, as long as I have to be here to support my family, I should act like God wants me to."
But, lately, I'm seeing going back to school differently. God has been working extra hard on my heart this past week or so. "I have a job for you- a mission field. And it's at Vivian Field Middle School in Farmers Branch."
Will I accept his assignment?
Will I be eager to meet my new students?
Will I spend time to get to know them?
Will I be able to show love to them even when they aren't lovable?
Will I be patient with them when they act like average 7th graders?
Will I be eager to get to know my new co-workers (and the returning ones)?
Will I spend time to get to know them?
Will I be able to show love to them even when they aren't lovable?
Will I be patient with them when they act like average adults?
Will I show Jesus and share Jesus with students and staff every opportunity I can?
Gulp.
That means telling myself no. A lot.
That means being positive. A lot.
That means taking a deep breath. A lot.
God has set a task before me. Has he set one before you?
How can I scream, "No!" to such a call?
As a baptized believer, I have the Holy Spirit living inside of me! INSIDE OF ME, PEOPLE! THE HOLY SPIRIT! How dare I not let him have control!
Join me as God sends his people into the school system. Join me as we answer God's call to go into all the world. And pray for me. Pray for all teachers. Pray that we treat his children the way he wants us to.
Back to school? You bet!
"Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age." Matthew 28: 18-20
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
Matthew 5:43-48 for Teachers
You have heard that it was said, ‘Love the good kids and hate the others.’ But I tell you, love the kids that cause problems and pray for those who make you want to tear your hair out, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes His sun to rise on the kids from loving homes and kids from neglectful homes, and sends rain on the gifted students and the struggling students.
If you love those students who do all their work and don't get on your nerves, what reward will you get? Don't all teachers do that? And if you smile and speak nicely only to your students who smile and speak nicely to you, what are you doing more than others? Doesn't everyone do that?
I tell you, I want you to be different. Love the kid that never does his work. Smile and be kind to the kid who never has her supplies. Encourage the child who is constantly getting office referrals. Show respect to the student that does not show respect to you. Show mercy to the student who makes you want to scream, or quit, or both. Show grace to the child who just never seems to know what is going on. Speak calmly to the child who asks you what they are supposed to do when you just gave the directions for the tenth time.
Love them. All of them. Each of them. For this is the way our Father in heaven loves us- when we don't deserve it.
And, oh how glad I am He does!
cgh
If you love those students who do all their work and don't get on your nerves, what reward will you get? Don't all teachers do that? And if you smile and speak nicely only to your students who smile and speak nicely to you, what are you doing more than others? Doesn't everyone do that?
I tell you, I want you to be different. Love the kid that never does his work. Smile and be kind to the kid who never has her supplies. Encourage the child who is constantly getting office referrals. Show respect to the student that does not show respect to you. Show mercy to the student who makes you want to scream, or quit, or both. Show grace to the child who just never seems to know what is going on. Speak calmly to the child who asks you what they are supposed to do when you just gave the directions for the tenth time.
Love them. All of them. Each of them. For this is the way our Father in heaven loves us- when we don't deserve it.
And, oh how glad I am He does!
cgh
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
What Am I Supposed To Do Again?
Frequently heard in my classroom:
Me: Ok, class, that is the end of my thorough explanation. You have now been given the instructions in clear, concise steps. You may begin.
Student: Miss, what are we suppose to do?
Me: Did you listen to the instructions?
Student: Yes.
Me: What did I say?
Student: I don't know.
*************************************
Me: Class, remember that the assignment is due tomorrow.
Student: Miss, when is this due?
*************************************
Me: Ok, any questions? *Appropriate wait time. * No, great, then everyone understands! Let's get to work.
Student: Miss, what do I do again?
*************************************
Me: What did I already tell you?
Me: What do you think you should do?
Me: Have you read the instructions?
Me: Have you asked a classmate if they know?
Me: I explained this already while you were sleeping, daydreaming, drawing, etc.
Me: Why weren't you listening?
Me: What did you do the last time we did this?
Me: I've already explained this three times.
Me: I've already explained this four times.
Me: I've already explained this a million times.
Me: What is the matter with you?
Ok, I work really hard to not say that last one. But, here we are, two more days with students until summer break, and this is how I'm feeling...
Me: Ok, class, that is the end of my thorough explanation. You have now been given the instructions in clear, concise steps. You may begin.
Student: Miss, what are we suppose to do?
Me: Did you listen to the instructions?
Student: Yes.
Me: What did I say?
Student: I don't know.
*************************************
Me: Class, remember that the assignment is due tomorrow.
Student: Miss, when is this due?
*************************************
Me: Ok, any questions? *Appropriate wait time. * No, great, then everyone understands! Let's get to work.
Student: Miss, what do I do again?
*************************************
Me: What did I already tell you?
Me: What do you think you should do?
Me: Have you read the instructions?
Me: Have you asked a classmate if they know?
Me: I explained this already while you were sleeping, daydreaming, drawing, etc.
Me: Why weren't you listening?
Me: What did you do the last time we did this?
Me: I've already explained this three times.
Me: I've already explained this four times.
Me: I've already explained this a million times.
Me: What is the matter with you?
Ok, I work really hard to not say that last one. But, here we are, two more days with students until summer break, and this is how I'm feeling...
Yes, that's me on the right.
I admit that by the end of the year, I'm exasperated by my students. It takes everything I have. Deep breath. Count to three. Remember that God loves this child and it's your job to show Jesus to them.
Ah, but so many times I lose my patience. So many times the frustration comes through in my words and tone.
Yesterday, I was listening to a new Christian radio station in Dallas- Air One- 101.7- (which is great, by the way). A comment was made that caused me to realize that what my students do to me (seemingly three million times a day) is what I do to God.
Me: God, what am I suppose to do?
Me: God, I don't know what to do!
Me: God, could you help me, please?
Has God given me directions? Was I listening? Paying attention? Have I read His instructions? What have I been preparing for? Am I ready to work? Do I trust his lead?
Ah, God is so patient with me. And He has no summer break.
Thursday, May 30, 2013
And the Award Goes to...
So, this is the time of year when facebook is plastered with pictures of children graduating, going to award ceremonies, accepting their Nobel peace prizes, etc. Ok, maybe the last one doesn't happen very often.
First of all, please don't get me wrong. If your children have graduated or won awards, I think that is GREAT! I'd probably be posting about it, too!
However, I've recently been to two end of the year events for my children where awards were handed out, and my children did not get one. That's ok. I don't believe there has to be an award for everyone. I know that our society has too much of an "everyone gets a trophy" mentality. I get it. And I agree.
I mean, truly, if they were to give out awards to everyone, I think that my son would have won the "Your Mother is So Glad that this Year is Over and Thankfully It Looks Like You're Going to Pass Everything" award. I love my son dearly, but some days I'm just glad to survive.
However, watching other children get awards while mine did not got me to thinking. You see, when I was growing up, I tended to get awards. The teachers liked me and I got good grades. What I remembered is wanting my parents to "fuss over" me. I wanted to be a big deal to them. But, nothing I did or achieved ever seemed to be a big deal. It used to really frustrate me.
Again, please don't get me wrong. I had great parents. I know that they loved me. I can see now that I wanted those awards to make them love me MORE. I can see now that my parents already loved me completely. The awards didn't matter to them. I may not have understood then, but I do now.
So, I think about my kids. Does it bother my son that he wasn't named Outstanding 7th Grade Band Member of the year? I don't know. I hope not.
So many times we depend on what the world thinks of us to determine what we think of us. My brothers and sisters, this should not be (I feel just like Paul).
Every child should have someone who loves them unconditionally no matter what. Every child should have someone who is in their corner. I know it isn't always the case, but ideally parenting should reflect God's love.
Of course, no matter what our parents are/were like, we all have someone in our corner. God. He loves us completely and fully- unconditionally. Nothing can separate us from that love (Romans 8:35-39).
Awards and achievements are great, but I shouldn't need them to feel valued.
I told my son that to me, he was the Most Outstanding 7th grader in the world.
And he seemed to be ok with that.
First of all, please don't get me wrong. If your children have graduated or won awards, I think that is GREAT! I'd probably be posting about it, too!
However, I've recently been to two end of the year events for my children where awards were handed out, and my children did not get one. That's ok. I don't believe there has to be an award for everyone. I know that our society has too much of an "everyone gets a trophy" mentality. I get it. And I agree.
I mean, truly, if they were to give out awards to everyone, I think that my son would have won the "Your Mother is So Glad that this Year is Over and Thankfully It Looks Like You're Going to Pass Everything" award. I love my son dearly, but some days I'm just glad to survive.
However, watching other children get awards while mine did not got me to thinking. You see, when I was growing up, I tended to get awards. The teachers liked me and I got good grades. What I remembered is wanting my parents to "fuss over" me. I wanted to be a big deal to them. But, nothing I did or achieved ever seemed to be a big deal. It used to really frustrate me.
Again, please don't get me wrong. I had great parents. I know that they loved me. I can see now that I wanted those awards to make them love me MORE. I can see now that my parents already loved me completely. The awards didn't matter to them. I may not have understood then, but I do now.
So, I think about my kids. Does it bother my son that he wasn't named Outstanding 7th Grade Band Member of the year? I don't know. I hope not.
So many times we depend on what the world thinks of us to determine what we think of us. My brothers and sisters, this should not be (I feel just like Paul).
Every child should have someone who loves them unconditionally no matter what. Every child should have someone who is in their corner. I know it isn't always the case, but ideally parenting should reflect God's love.
Of course, no matter what our parents are/were like, we all have someone in our corner. God. He loves us completely and fully- unconditionally. Nothing can separate us from that love (Romans 8:35-39).
Awards and achievements are great, but I shouldn't need them to feel valued.
I told my son that to me, he was the Most Outstanding 7th grader in the world.
And he seemed to be ok with that.
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Mistakes I Made as a Parent (Part 2)
I can learn so much from my mistakes when I'm not busy denying them.
Yep. Here are a few more mistakes I've made....
Parenting Mistake #6: Trying to keep up appearances.
When my oldest was just an infant, I was so excited about being a stay at home mom with him. One of the perks was getting to go to Ladies Bible Class. It was wonderful. Getting there, however, wasn't always wonderful.
I remember one morning while getting ready to go, I had fed Noah, burped him, changed him, and he was in his carrier all ready. He had everything he needed. Now it was my turn to get ready.
As I sat doing my makeup/hair, he started getting fussy. I started out with There, there, sweetie, it's ok. Eventually it came to Mommy's trying to get ready, honey. Can't you just sit there quietly while mommy gets ready? To What's the matter with you? Can't you see I'm trying to get ready so that we can go study God's word? You're driving me crazy!
I was practically yelling at a three month old! For shame! I was suddenly struck with the absurdity of the situation. I was yelling at a baby because I was worried about being on time to Bible Class. Talk about straining the gnat and swallowing the camel! (Matthew 23:24)
I learned that day that how I treat people and take care of my family is much more important than having the whole world think that I have it all together.
There were times when we showed up for Wednesday night Bible class and one of my kids didn't have any shoes on. Or maybe only had one. Or maybe had two shoes, but they didn't match. I didn't care.
There were times (still are) when we show up for worship late. Generally speaking, my kids usually have matching shoes on now, but sometimes their fashion choices are odd. Again, who cares?
If we had to be perfect to go to worship, well, we'd never go.
Parenting Mistake #7: Thinking that if I taught things the perfect way, it only took once.
I remember Noah going through a phase (he was about 2) where he was hitting. I thought if I only knew the right thing to say, or if I only spanked him the right way, etc that he would learn immediately. If punishment were only severe enough and swiftly enough, the problem would be solved.
I read somewhere that it doesn't work that way. Seems like it takes hundreds of times for a child to hear something for it to finally sink in. Hundreds? Sigh. This would not be easy, or come naturally (please refer back to mistakes #4 and #5).
It was a good thing that I learned this before Koby came along. I love Koby with all my heart, but he is the reason that I bought and read Dobson's new revised edition of The Strong Willed Child. I knew that Koby needed me to be the parent. I had learned that it wouldn't be easy or come naturally. I had learned that I had to be intentional and that it would take time. And energy. But he was definitely worth it.
Parenting takes time. Lots of it.
Parenting Mistake #8: Judging other parents.
I'll admit that I used to struggle with judging other parents. Oh, maybe I didn't say anything out loud, but I thought it. It seemed that I always was most critical to parents who were just ahead of me.
For example, before I had any kids, I remember thinking things like, Wow, their car seats are so messy! I will never let my car get that dirty!
When my kids were babies, I thought, Wow, I can't believe that they let their children run around like that! Mine will always be sitting perfectly still!
When mine were toddlers, I thought, Wow, I can't believe that parent let's their child come to church dressed like that! Don't they even comb their hair? (And we all know how I turned out on this one!)
You get the idea.
I've since learned to not judge. And I've come to appreciate those who do not judge me.
Everybody is pretty much doing the best that they can. If they aren't, well, then the most helpful thing I can do is to just do my best and be an example.
Parenting Mistake #9: Thinking that my kids had to have the best of everything.
When my kids were younger, I wanted them (or really me) to have the best. I cared about them wearing Stride-Rite shoes or having the latest baby gadget.
One advantage of being a single parent is that people do not expect your kids to have it all. I no longer want my kids to have it all. When compared to the rest of the world, we do already have it all. I want my kids to understand how blessed we are- how rich we are.
At my home we talk frequently about how wonderful it is to have a house and a car. Not everyone has that. And we never have to worry about our next meal or if we'll have clean water. Not everyone can say that.
Parenting Mistake #10: Thinking that I needed to give my kids everything I had growing up plus all the things that I didn't have, but wish that I'd had.
Recently, we cut down the tree in our front yard. Two years ago a storm took out half of it and it never recovered. For a moment, I felt this sense of failure. My children would never have a tree house. That was something I always wanted. Now, it would never be.
This kind of falls into trying to make everything perfect. Having this ideal world that we want to present to our kids, but always falling short.
We have these expectations that we can usually never live up to. Sometimes when we are trying to live up to expectations, we miss the joy of the actual life we're living.
Parenting Mistake #11: Thinking that whatever was happening would be happening forever.
This too shall pass is one of my favorite phases. It works for both positive and negative things. Whatever stage you are in, just enjoy it as best you can because it won't last long. If it's a terrible stage and you feel like you can't take it any more, well, just hold on because it won't last forever either.
I remember when Noah was a toddler, he would not go to sleep unless I was with him. I had to lay down in his bed with him. He had learned my sneaky ways, so he got to where he would practically sleep on top of my head so he would wake up when I started to escape, uh, I mean get up. This was true for naps as well as night time.
I would lay there and think about all that I needed to get done. Laundry, dishes, etc. I felt bitterness and a hint of rage swell up in frustration.
Then it finally hit me that this would not last forever. He would grow up too soon and not want me anywhere near him. I decided to relax and just enjoy the moment. I would just stare at his sweet face. Laundry and dishes could wait.
My children are teenagers now and I'm still learning. These are just some of the mistakes that I remember. I'm sure there are more.
I'm also sure that I'll continue to make even more mistakes. Hopefully, I'll recognize them and learn from them so that tomorrow I'll do better than I did today.
Yep. Here are a few more mistakes I've made....
Parenting Mistake #6: Trying to keep up appearances.
When my oldest was just an infant, I was so excited about being a stay at home mom with him. One of the perks was getting to go to Ladies Bible Class. It was wonderful. Getting there, however, wasn't always wonderful.
I remember one morning while getting ready to go, I had fed Noah, burped him, changed him, and he was in his carrier all ready. He had everything he needed. Now it was my turn to get ready.
As I sat doing my makeup/hair, he started getting fussy. I started out with There, there, sweetie, it's ok. Eventually it came to Mommy's trying to get ready, honey. Can't you just sit there quietly while mommy gets ready? To What's the matter with you? Can't you see I'm trying to get ready so that we can go study God's word? You're driving me crazy!
I was practically yelling at a three month old! For shame! I was suddenly struck with the absurdity of the situation. I was yelling at a baby because I was worried about being on time to Bible Class. Talk about straining the gnat and swallowing the camel! (Matthew 23:24)
I learned that day that how I treat people and take care of my family is much more important than having the whole world think that I have it all together.
There were times when we showed up for Wednesday night Bible class and one of my kids didn't have any shoes on. Or maybe only had one. Or maybe had two shoes, but they didn't match. I didn't care.
There were times (still are) when we show up for worship late. Generally speaking, my kids usually have matching shoes on now, but sometimes their fashion choices are odd. Again, who cares?
If we had to be perfect to go to worship, well, we'd never go.
Parenting Mistake #7: Thinking that if I taught things the perfect way, it only took once.
I remember Noah going through a phase (he was about 2) where he was hitting. I thought if I only knew the right thing to say, or if I only spanked him the right way, etc that he would learn immediately. If punishment were only severe enough and swiftly enough, the problem would be solved.
I read somewhere that it doesn't work that way. Seems like it takes hundreds of times for a child to hear something for it to finally sink in. Hundreds? Sigh. This would not be easy, or come naturally (please refer back to mistakes #4 and #5).
It was a good thing that I learned this before Koby came along. I love Koby with all my heart, but he is the reason that I bought and read Dobson's new revised edition of The Strong Willed Child. I knew that Koby needed me to be the parent. I had learned that it wouldn't be easy or come naturally. I had learned that I had to be intentional and that it would take time. And energy. But he was definitely worth it.
Parenting takes time. Lots of it.
Parenting Mistake #8: Judging other parents.
I'll admit that I used to struggle with judging other parents. Oh, maybe I didn't say anything out loud, but I thought it. It seemed that I always was most critical to parents who were just ahead of me.
For example, before I had any kids, I remember thinking things like, Wow, their car seats are so messy! I will never let my car get that dirty!
When my kids were babies, I thought, Wow, I can't believe that they let their children run around like that! Mine will always be sitting perfectly still!
When mine were toddlers, I thought, Wow, I can't believe that parent let's their child come to church dressed like that! Don't they even comb their hair? (And we all know how I turned out on this one!)
You get the idea.
I've since learned to not judge. And I've come to appreciate those who do not judge me.
Everybody is pretty much doing the best that they can. If they aren't, well, then the most helpful thing I can do is to just do my best and be an example.
Parenting Mistake #9: Thinking that my kids had to have the best of everything.
When my kids were younger, I wanted them (or really me) to have the best. I cared about them wearing Stride-Rite shoes or having the latest baby gadget.
One advantage of being a single parent is that people do not expect your kids to have it all. I no longer want my kids to have it all. When compared to the rest of the world, we do already have it all. I want my kids to understand how blessed we are- how rich we are.
At my home we talk frequently about how wonderful it is to have a house and a car. Not everyone has that. And we never have to worry about our next meal or if we'll have clean water. Not everyone can say that.
Parenting Mistake #10: Thinking that I needed to give my kids everything I had growing up plus all the things that I didn't have, but wish that I'd had.
Recently, we cut down the tree in our front yard. Two years ago a storm took out half of it and it never recovered. For a moment, I felt this sense of failure. My children would never have a tree house. That was something I always wanted. Now, it would never be.
This kind of falls into trying to make everything perfect. Having this ideal world that we want to present to our kids, but always falling short.
We have these expectations that we can usually never live up to. Sometimes when we are trying to live up to expectations, we miss the joy of the actual life we're living.
Parenting Mistake #11: Thinking that whatever was happening would be happening forever.
This too shall pass is one of my favorite phases. It works for both positive and negative things. Whatever stage you are in, just enjoy it as best you can because it won't last long. If it's a terrible stage and you feel like you can't take it any more, well, just hold on because it won't last forever either.
I remember when Noah was a toddler, he would not go to sleep unless I was with him. I had to lay down in his bed with him. He had learned my sneaky ways, so he got to where he would practically sleep on top of my head so he would wake up when I started to escape, uh, I mean get up. This was true for naps as well as night time.
I would lay there and think about all that I needed to get done. Laundry, dishes, etc. I felt bitterness and a hint of rage swell up in frustration.
Then it finally hit me that this would not last forever. He would grow up too soon and not want me anywhere near him. I decided to relax and just enjoy the moment. I would just stare at his sweet face. Laundry and dishes could wait.
My children are teenagers now and I'm still learning. These are just some of the mistakes that I remember. I'm sure there are more.
I'm also sure that I'll continue to make even more mistakes. Hopefully, I'll recognize them and learn from them so that tomorrow I'll do better than I did today.
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