I can learn so much from my mistakes when I'm not busy denying them.
Yep. Here are a few more mistakes I've made....
Parenting Mistake #6: Trying to keep up appearances.
When my oldest was just an infant, I was so excited about being a stay at home mom with him. One of the perks was getting to go to Ladies Bible Class. It was wonderful. Getting there, however, wasn't always wonderful.
I remember one morning while getting ready to go, I had fed Noah, burped him, changed him, and he was in his carrier all ready. He had everything he needed. Now it was my turn to get ready.
As I sat doing my makeup/hair, he started getting fussy. I started out with There, there, sweetie, it's ok. Eventually it came to Mommy's trying to get ready, honey. Can't you just sit there quietly while mommy gets ready? To What's the matter with you? Can't you see I'm trying to get ready so that we can go study God's word? You're driving me crazy!
I was practically yelling at a three month old! For shame! I was suddenly struck with the absurdity of the situation. I was yelling at a baby because I was worried about being on time to Bible Class. Talk about straining the gnat and swallowing the camel! (Matthew 23:24)
I learned that day that how I treat people and take care of my family is much more important than having the whole world think that I have it all together.
There were times when we showed up for Wednesday night Bible class and one of my kids didn't have any shoes on. Or maybe only had one. Or maybe had two shoes, but they didn't match. I didn't care.
There were times (still are) when we show up for worship late. Generally speaking, my kids usually have matching shoes on now, but sometimes their fashion choices are odd. Again, who cares?
If we had to be perfect to go to worship, well, we'd never go.
Parenting Mistake #7: Thinking that if I taught things the perfect way, it only took once.
I remember Noah going through a phase (he was about 2) where he was hitting. I thought if I only knew the right thing to say, or if I only spanked him the right way, etc that he would learn immediately. If punishment were only severe enough and swiftly enough, the problem would be solved.
I read somewhere that it doesn't work that way. Seems like it takes hundreds of times for a child to hear something for it to finally sink in. Hundreds? Sigh. This would not be easy, or come naturally (please refer back to mistakes #4 and #5).
It was a good thing that I learned this before Koby came along. I love Koby with all my heart, but he is the reason that I bought and read Dobson's new revised edition of The Strong Willed Child. I knew that Koby needed me to be the parent. I had learned that it wouldn't be easy or come naturally. I had learned that I had to be intentional and that it would take time. And energy. But he was definitely worth it.
Parenting takes time. Lots of it.
Parenting Mistake #8: Judging other parents.
I'll admit that I used to struggle with judging other parents. Oh, maybe I didn't say anything out loud, but I thought it. It seemed that I always was most critical to parents who were just ahead of me.
For example, before I had any kids, I remember thinking things like, Wow, their car seats are so messy! I will never let my car get that dirty!
When my kids were babies, I thought, Wow, I can't believe that they let their children run around like that! Mine will always be sitting perfectly still!
When mine were toddlers, I thought, Wow, I can't believe that parent let's their child come to church dressed like that! Don't they even comb their hair? (And we all know how I turned out on this one!)
You get the idea.
I've since learned to not judge. And I've come to appreciate those who do not judge me.
Everybody is pretty much doing the best that they can. If they aren't, well, then the most helpful thing I can do is to just do my best and be an example.
Parenting Mistake #9: Thinking that my kids had to have the best of everything.
When my kids were younger, I wanted them (or really me) to have the best. I cared about them wearing Stride-Rite shoes or having the latest baby gadget.
One advantage of being a single parent is that people do not expect your kids to have it all. I no longer want my kids to have it all. When compared to the rest of the world, we do already have it all. I want my kids to understand how blessed we are- how rich we are.
At my home we talk frequently about how wonderful it is to have a house and a car. Not everyone has that. And we never have to worry about our next meal or if we'll have clean water. Not everyone can say that.
Parenting Mistake #10: Thinking that I needed to give my kids everything I had growing up plus all the things that I didn't have, but wish that I'd had.
Recently, we cut down the tree in our front yard. Two years ago a storm took out half of it and it never recovered. For a moment, I felt this sense of failure. My children would never have a tree house. That was something I always wanted. Now, it would never be.
This kind of falls into trying to make everything perfect. Having this ideal world that we want to present to our kids, but always falling short.
We have these expectations that we can usually never live up to. Sometimes when we are trying to live up to expectations, we miss the joy of the actual life we're living.
Parenting Mistake #11: Thinking that whatever was happening would be happening forever.
This too shall pass is one of my favorite phases. It works for both positive and negative things. Whatever stage you are in, just enjoy it as best you can because it won't last long. If it's a terrible stage and you feel like you can't take it any more, well, just hold on because it won't last forever either.
I remember when Noah was a toddler, he would not go to sleep unless I was with him. I had to lay down in his bed with him. He had learned my sneaky ways, so he got to where he would practically sleep on top of my head so he would wake up when I started to escape, uh, I mean get up. This was true for naps as well as night time.
I would lay there and think about all that I needed to get done. Laundry, dishes, etc. I felt bitterness and a hint of rage swell up in frustration.
Then it finally hit me that this would not last forever. He would grow up too soon and not want me anywhere near him. I decided to relax and just enjoy the moment. I would just stare at his sweet face. Laundry and dishes could wait.
My children are teenagers now and I'm still learning. These are just some of the mistakes that I remember. I'm sure there are more.
I'm also sure that I'll continue to make even more mistakes. Hopefully, I'll recognize them and learn from them so that tomorrow I'll do better than I did today.
No comments:
Post a Comment