So, my post "Mistakes I Made in My Marriage" got more hits in 24 hours than any other post I've written. Maybe it's because people are curious. Most likely, it's simply because we all just seek validation that we are not the only ones who do not (or did not) have a perfect marriage. We all make mistakes. I recently heard a saying that I really like:
I can learn so much from my mistakes when I'm not busy denying them.
Yep.
So, I thought, hey, I've made lots of mistakes along the way. Why not share some more?
Parenting mistake #1: Not listening to my mother.
When my oldest, Noah, was just over a year old, he was crying and would not go to sleep. His father and I tried everything we could think of. We rocked him, we tried to let him cry it out. I'm humiliated to say that we spanked him. In desperation, we drove around for more than an hour. Surely he'd fall asleep in the car.
My mother insisted that he was sick. I was sure that he was not. He was old enough to be exerting some rebellion, but not old enough to verbalize. I was sure that he was just being stubborn. I mean, how could my mother, who had raised three children to adulthood know more than me with my now more than one full year of experience?
Finally, after we were up all night, we called the doctor and took him in. He had stopped crying, but still no sleep.
He was sick. His little throat was bright red. I think it was tonsillitis. Hang head in shame.
From that time on, I listened to my mother (for the most part). Also, I have apologized to my now 16 year old son for scarring him for life on that horrendous night. He says that he doesn't remember it, but I'm sure that one day it will come out of his subconscious when he's in therapy.
Parenting Mistake #2: Not accepting help/ Being defensive when offered help
Great grandmother to my toddler: Oh, look at those long fingernails! Come here and let me cut those for you!
What I heard: Oh, you poor child! I can't believe that your mother doesn't take care of you! For shame!! She obviously needs someone to step in on your behalf. Come here and let me clip your fingernails!
It took me a while, but eventually I realized that I could not do this parenting thing alone (I became a single parent when my oldest was 3 1/2 and my youngest was a baby). I set my pride aside and accepted help wherever it was offered.
Babysit? You bet! Clip their fingernails? Yes, please! Hand-me down clothes? Yay!
Parenting Mistake #3: Trying to get my child to do things too early/soon
I'll just say it like it is, I tried to potty train my first son WAY too soon. You know, you have other mom friends with kids the same age and we are always talking about what milestones our child is reaching. Also, reading the book What to expect each and every minute of your child's first three years of life- I knew what I should be doing!
So, I don't even remember how old he was, but I went all out- bought the potty seat, read the potty book, bought the pull ups and the big boy underwear. And I was a stressed-out mess for weeks. Accident after accident after accident. But, how could I let my child fall behind? Didn't I owe it to him to keep trying?
No, no, I did not. So I gave up. We went to just pull-ups and no pressure. For what seemed like eternity. Until he was ready. And that's all it took, was for him to be ready. No stress, no worries.
I remember someone telling me that most likely, he would not graduate from high school still in diapers, drinking from a bottle, and sucking on his pacifier. So, why worry? You know what? He's 16, and yep, no diapers, no bottle and no paci!
With my second son, Koby, I just waited. And waited. And when he was ready for whatever next step there was to take- well, we took it. No stress, no worries.
Parenting Mistake #4: Thinking it would be easy.
I had wanted to be a parent as far back as I could remember. I loved children. I babysat all the time. I was going to be the perfect mother. When I was pregnant, I read every book I could get my hands on. I was ready. I thought.
I was thirty years old when I had my first baby. I was married with a great support system. I remember thinking, Here I am and I can barely cope! How in the world does a 16 year old girl do this on her own?
I don't remember anyone telling me how hard it was going to be.
I don't remember anyone telling me that there would be times that I wanted to throw my child out the window. (Please don't call CPS. I would never actually do that, but there have been plenty of times when I felt like it.)
This one sort of leads to my next mistake....
Parenting Mistake #5: Thinking it all came naturally.
If I'm a good mother, won't I just know what to do? I used to look at others and think, wow, they know what to do, why don't I?
I remember watching one of my friends with her children. She just hugged and kissed on them all the time. She told them how much she loved them. Her love just oozed out of her. I remember wondering why I wasn't like that. Then it hit me. I could be. I just needed to be intentional about it. Some things don't come naturally. They come when we are intentional.
So, I set about to show more love to my children. And you know what? It was wonderful!
I remember another friend of mine who always was prepared wherever we went. She had snacks when snacks were needed. She had wipes when they were needed. I watched and learned from her as well. Maybe she had watched and learned from another mom.
This is a Biblical concept. Titus 2:4 These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children...
Things didn't usually just come naturally. I had to learn them.
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